It’s 7:46pm. Mere hours ago I was sardined in a rickety, post-bankrupt United “jet” on my way to LAX. I’m waiting out the tail-end of my three + weather-delay hour flight trying to entertain myself while I await the next leg of my flight.
Fair warning on the quality of this post: this is the last thing I want to do right now. I’ve already read, ate, called friends, and watched two episodes of Arrested Development on my laptop. I just walked aimlessly around in a magazine/candy shop. I’m in the traveler daze where you adjust to plane rides and new time zone and tend to stare at nothing in particular. When I slipped into this daze, however, I ended up near a rack of not-so-family-friendly magazines. That rack I stared at wasn’t my “nothing in particular,” but I doubt the mom with the stroller that asked me to move out of the way wouldn’t have believed that.
I was embarrassed, and wanted to plead my case with her, but I’m sure with the exhaustion would have slurred my words and made things worse. Instead, I made a lumbering exit to the nearby McDonald’s. How I managed to blow $9.51 on shredded lettuce and a processed chicken breast is still an amazement. I dropped my ten spot and donated the remaining 49 cents to Ronald’s Kids. I don’t really care about the Ronald Kids; I didn’t want to haul a pocketful of change into a country that doesn’t accept American currency-
Did I mention I’m leaving the country to Sydney, Australia? Not that it matters, Chimps Ahoy needs a defibrillator at this point. We haven’t updated this thing in years. I have a larger audience for my morning showers. Gone are the days of food-eating contests and cardboard boat building. Welcome to the post-apocalyptic era of Chimps Ahoy. Whoever is reading this is either obsessed or was about to clear out their favorites and gave this one last shot. I’m also not proud to say that I don’t think this is the first time we’ve “relaunched” Chimps Ahoy.
We’re back, and I’m leaving. But, my travails in the Outback will be over dramatized exclusively on Chimps Ahoy. I can guarantee crazy, fish-out-of-water hijinks with people who are kind of like Americans only in a country that started as a prison. “Ha ha! An American in Australia! I busted a lung laughing!”
Yes, this is going to be great.