Halloween is an American tradition, but it’s never been one for me, until last year that is. 2002 was the first year I celebrated it in my own way with glucose gluttony, carving a self-portrait into a pumpkin, and dressing up as Luigi (complete with a vinyl mustache and a Sharpie-colored painters cap). But 2003? Can I top dressing as the 2nd best thing Japan has given us (besides Bruce Lee, Al Roker and Mr. Yoshida)?
This year I capitalized on a slight resemblance to Orlando Bloom and went as Legolas from Lord of the Rings. Frankly, Legolas has been my favorite from the Lord of the Rings series (see Two Towers: sliding down the stairs on a shield), plus many women want his body, so what better than to capitalize on the fantasies of many girls for one evening? While I can’t get a date on my own merits, I figure I can hitchhike on the lust wagon of another man’s career and see what it’s like for a night. Yes, I know, it’s not right. I have no shame; please refer to me as pig/jerk/capt. fabulous behind my back because nothing I do is ever shameless. I stopped trying a long time ago.
I started planning the costume with all intentions to go Betsy Ross all up on it, buy fabric and sew it, but in the end, I realized two things: the analogy of Betsy Ross doesn’t work here, and the only thing I’ve ever sown is the crotch of my pants and a button onto my slacks. And both sewing endeavors haven’t stood up to any of the extreme activities I daily participate in, up to and including: putting the pants on, Pilates, and sometimes Math tests. Therefore, to sew an entire Legolas costume didn’t seem feasible. So on a whim and a Visa, I purchased an ultra-realistic Legolas costume. I scored a long braided wig from a local costume shop that went down to my waist. I also found a bow and arrow kit complete with racial stereotypes of Native Americans and suction cup arrows. Price of costume: $45. Price of wig: $23. Price of bow: $3. Selling your soul to have random women want to slather you in motor oil and slide you down the stairs on a shield: $71.