I’m still sick, but I’m in the stage where the world makes sense, where I’m not continually questioning why I’m doing things, if it’s Tuesday, if I remembered to wear a shirt to school, if this is the six or the seventh time I’ve urinated in the past hour.
I followed all the instructions for getting better: plenty of fluids (too much it seems), rest (aside from a shifty Friday night where I got approximately no sleep on the floor), and lots of vitamins/healthy food – well, not so much healthy food unless Fruit Loops really do count for one of my five fruits/vegetables a day. Because I had four bowls of cereal today. Or about half a box.
Ok, so I don’t eat healthy. However, I went out and bought the Flintstones vitamins because as a child, I secretly envied every kid who had them. My parents never could afford Flintstones vitamins for us, but mom would pull out her tools and spray paint sugar cubes and called them, “Funkstones.” This method worked for a while, until I realized that the Flintstones version came with Fred and Dino shaped pills. I asked for those, but my mom insisted that the cubes could take Dino anytime, and she didn’t have the proper tools; I just thought the cubes were hard to swallow.
Regardless, I bought the Flintstones chewables at Safeway a few days ago, and then looked at the back panel: It’s got 10 vitamins in it. Screw the many colors and the chewable form. I’m a growing boy/man, and I need many many vitamins that I can’t pronounce merely because they will probably do something. Also, the thing about “Children 2 years of age and older” doesn’t make me feel right. I swear, these chewables might initiate reverse puberty or something. So, I still take the Flintstones vitamins (merely because they were $6), and I counteract the puberty-enacting Riboflavin with Centrum: Advanced Formula for Old People. Seriously, It has like 600 vitamins in one tablet, including Tin, Nickel, and Iron. It also has Lutein, which is supposed to be good for the eyes. It enhanced my vision so well that I swear every morning when I wake up it looks like Steve is wearing only his underwear.
And I haven’t even started taking the pills yet.