This weekend I ventured out and tried something brand new. I went to a place full of flashing lights, pulsating rhythm, lust, booze, tight clothing, smoke, uh some more booze and the ever present massive amounts of boobage. No, I wasn’t at Greg and Steve’s– I went clubbing.
K, I like to dance, but in the privacy of my own home…alone…with all the lights off, away from all mirrors and windows. So it took me a little while to get comfortable. Mostly cos, when I “dance”, I feel as if I’m wearing one of these, (ahh, the memories!) and somehow I’m gonna come off looking like something out of “The Night of the Living Dead.” It does help, however, when I want to impress the menfolk with my “Robot” skillz.
Anyway, so I looked around and realized just how ridiculous everyone else looked and they didn’t seem to care so I just went with it. I was getting tired of sticking with the sorry white boys doing “the sprinkler” anyway. I guess I forgot about the “stupid, horny guy” factor cos soon enough some nice boy was grabbing me from behind in attempts to “dance” (aka- pelvic thrusts galore). Of course, my first reaction was to yell “ahh, no touchy, no touchy!” and either kick him in the huevos or curl up in the fetal position on the floor. Okay, so I’m not that wacko but it still creeped me out. Seriously, can’t a girl get her groove on without being mauled by some “5th Wheel” reject? And this all somehow makes me “no fun” because I don’t wanna get humped by some stranger with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Ohhh sooo attractive! Makes me feel like a real woman. I really should seriously think about lowering my moral standards so I can once again be “fun.” And yeah I know, this is probably the main reason people go to these places, is to hook it up with someone or whatever, so I’m to expect that kind of crudeness, right?? hmmm.
I had fun though, I really did. But next time I go, I’m bringing my own posse….and maybe some Mace…..and my chastity belt…..