I’m sure I should tell you about Halloween and what a splendid affair it was. I dressed as a zombie and made a child cry. Greg became the object of many nerd girls’ “flay the naughty orc” fantasies. Nick fell down. So many stories to tell and yet I can’t tell them… Actually it’s hard for me to look past my own suffering as I sit at my computer, sniffling and swallowing my own phlegm.
As a wee lad, I never got sick. Over the years, I attributed this fact to my “iron immune system.” Sunday I got a kidney punch from old man influenza. Actually, it’s probably just a cold (according to the hilariously named igotflu.com)…maybe it’s SARS. Who knows? Either way, I have an excuse to take medicine that has more alcohol than I have back hair.
About one o’clock Sunday afternoon, I took my first ever dose of Nyquil. Greg often takes Nyquil (we’re thinking about holding an intervention) and he always talks about how it makes him loopy or at the very least, makes him more likely to drown face-down in his soup. I think all it did to me was make me sleepy; since the sleepiness coincided with my weekly Sunday afternoon nap, I was, more or less, unaffected. The benefit was that Nyquil made it unnecessary for me to put any real thought into my words for the rest of the night. A sample:
Dude: “Hi, Steve. How’s your weekend been going?”
Steve: “What rapscallion absconded with the crumpets?”
Dude: “What do you mean??
Steve: ?Uh?where did the biscuits go??
Dude: ?What the?! Biscuits?! Right?anyway, what do you think about social security reform?”
Steve: “I’m a staunch supporter of flaps in the back of pajamas. Wants a swizzle, like me? Balderdash and poppycock!”
Dude: “Oh boy, you’re so postmodern! Or you’re on Nyquil. Can you stop oozing snot on my shoe?”
Seriously though, by being healthy I think I’ve missed out on the best thing about illness: a complete lack of responsibility or maturity. It’s like sickness is a free pass to guilt-free whining, good service, and abundant sleep. Sign me up! It’s like my life’s philosophy all wrapped up into one little viral package.
“Nyquil monkeys! Bring me my ambrosia and may the sweet waters of Lethe wash over me forevermore…”